Going Through the Motions
by TammyDevil666
Summary: Takes place after "Into the Woods." Spike and Buffy have a civilized conversation at the Bronze after Riley left and she realizes some truths.


This would take place after "Into the Woods" and before "Triangle." This is just my version on how Spike found out that Riley left. I seem to be changing a lot of episodes these days. Well, it's only because a lot of the time they weren't so good. I just like to add a bit more Spuffy if I can. Please let me know what ya'll think of this. I'm not that sure about it.

Spike was sitting at the bar in the Bronze and getting drunk in the process. He knew he royally screwed things up with Buffy. He would never get a chance with her now. Not that he ever would anyway, but a bloke could dream. He took another sip from his bourbon when he heard a female voice next to him. "You drinking alone?" Spike shrugged and didn't even look at the person. He really wasn't in the mood to be bothered right now.

"What gave it away?" He said in a harsh tone as he took another sip and slammed the glass down. He sensed the person sit in the stool next to him, but he still didn't look until she spoke again.

"You know, getting drunk really doesn't solve anything." It was then that Spike seemed to recognize the voice and finally looked at the girl. He was surprised to see Buffy sitting there.

"Buffy?" He asked in confusion.

"Oh, you finally noticed?" He looked away from her for a second.

"Wasn't really paying attention." He said as he looked back at her. "What are you doing here, pet? Figured you would be off making up with Cardboard." Buffy shook her head and sighed.

"That would be a world of no. We got into a fight and he ended up leaving town. You think I would be used to that, right?" She said a little hurt, but she tried to hide it. Spike then felt worse. Even though a part of him was glad that the soldier was out of his way.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I know you probably don't believe me, but if I never showed you what he was up to..." Buffy shook her head and cut him off.

"No, you did the right thing. It was good that you told me. I know I seemed like I was pissed at you, but I was just upset at Riley. If I didn't find out there's no telling what could have happened. He could have died. I think it's better this way. I wasn't being fair to him. I never could have loved him the way he loved me. This is just so hard. I try to have the normal relationship, but that will never happen. I'm just not meant to. Besides, I don't think I could ever really love anyone the way I loved Angel." Spike felt hurt when she said that. He knew she would always love Peaches, but it still hurt to hear the actual words. He only nodded.

"Right, first loves are always hard to get over." Buffy nodded in understanding as she looked at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll never really get over Drusilla. You've been with her for over a century, it must be hard being away from her." Spike was surprised that she didn't seem to have anything bad to say about Dru. They locked eyes for a moment.

"It's getting easier every day." He said and she then looked away from his penetrating eyes. They both sat in silence after that until Buffy spoke up again.

"Spike, do you ever think you'll love again?" Spike was again surprised by what she was saying. He was also relieved that she knew that he could love just like anyone else.

"Yeah, I think I can. I know you can, too." Buffy shrugged.

"Sometimes I wonder." Spike raised his eyebrows.

"Wonder what?" She looked at him and sighed.

"Sometimes I wonder if being the Slayer is making me hard inside. Too hard to love at all. I feel like I can hardly even say the words." Spike placed his hand over hers and was glad that she didn't pull away from his touch.

"I won't believe that, Buffy. You have so much love in you. I've seen it. You're one of the best people I've ever known." Buffy looked at him and could tell how sincere he was. She couldn't believe that Spike of all people was making her feel better about herself. She gave him a small smile.

"Since when do you say anything nice about me? I figured you would be basking in my misery right about now. At first I thought you showed me what Riley was doing because you wanted to hurt me." Spike looked pained as he pulled his hand away from hers and Buffy was surprised by the look she saw on his face as he suddenly stood up.

"I better be going now, Slayer. See you around." He said as he walked away from her and Buffy didn't know what just happened. She decided to go after him. She saw him walking toward the alley behind the Bronze and ran to catch up with him.

"Spike, wait!" She exclaimed and was grateful when he stopped and looked at her. "What's wrong? What did I say?" Spike shook his head and grew angry at her.

"You know what you bloody said. We were actually having a civilized conversation and I thought for once that you were starting to see me as more than just a monster, but I guess I was wrong. You still see me as the same vampire that came here three years ago to kill you. Well, a lot has changed since then and I don't just mean the bloody chip. I actually care, alright? I care that you're hurting. I care about your sister and your mum. I even care about your sodden Scooby club. I especially care about you. I don't know when things changed, but they did. I know that I don't want to kill you anymore. Just the thought of losing you pains me and I don't know why. All I know is that I want to help from now on. Help you with the slaying and whatever else you would need me for. I just want to help you." He said the last part quietly and was worried about her reaction. He then noticed the tears in her eyes and he moved closer to her. "Don't cry, Buffy. If there's one thing I can't stand it's your tears. I didn't mean to upset you." Buffy shook her head and wiped at her eyes.

"I'm not upset at you, Spike. Just took me by surprise is all. I had no idea you felt that way." Spike shrugged.

"Yeah, well I wasn't planning on saying any of that. Just came out. I don't regret it though. I meant every word." He said as he looked into her eyes and she nodded.

"I know you did." If there was one thing she knew about Spike, it was that he never said anything he didn't mean. Buffy gave him a smile and decided to lighten the mood. "You wanna go patrolling?" Spike smiled in return.

"Sounds like a plan." He said as they both walked out of the alley and headed to the nearest cemetery. They were quiet when Buffy broke the silence.

"If you got the chip out, what would you do?" Spike looked at her and didn't even have to think about it.

"I would do exactly this." Buffy let a smile grace her lips again.

"Good answer." She replied as they both looked for something to kill together.

The End

Gotta love the Spuffiness. Just a little something I thought of. Don't forget to leave me a review and all will be right with the world. A girl can dream anyway!


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